I may be fumbling, faltering, and unstable now, but I don't just gve up that easily. I was almost on the verge. Bt not quite just yet. Jac's back. Ima show 'em what i've got til i've got none to show. So let's give it a go.

I hate to admit this but, I've been smitten again by the vampire phenomenon. I just hate it when I go with everyone's flow. I started reading and watching vamp flicks and lits back in gradeschool. I fell in love with supernatural stories because of The Lost Boys, Kindred the Embraced, and Interview with the Vampire. All of which dates back to the 1990's. Back then, kids my age would be weirded out by my ramblings of vampire, werewolves, witches and such. Hell I even had a pseudonym for online social networks and my e-mail which is 'shewolf' (also came from Dante's Inferno - shewolf guarding hell's door). Later on, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dracula, and the Nosferatu. I've read a lot of Anne Rice (but it Rice's novels can be a drag at times), L.J Smith, and some novels written by Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Angel's producer. I've researched books, sites and shit consisting of vampire related stories or myths. A lot of these came from Transylvania. I've also seen a lot of animes about vampires/supernaturals, my fav Vampire Hunter D. It was okay that I had only the web and kids from other countries to talk to about books, movies, series and animes about vampires. I admit I was pretty weird back then, well, a bit til now. I was kind of embarrassed to share how engrossed I am with vampire stories. I only share my zeal for the supernaturals to close friends. It's kind my secret back in the day, that I fantasized of being one (a vampire) lol. 

After a while, when I turned 16 or 17, I grew out of it. I still had a knack for the same kind of stories but, only just few stories bewildered me out by then. I got used to the same freaking plot. Vampire loves human, human wants to be one. The same vampire vs. werewolves plot and so on. Nothing new came about. THEN CAME THE TWILIGHT SERIES. Even before the movie came about I bought just the first book to see if it was any good, like those I've read or seen waaaay back. AND OMG was I disappointed. It really was just for kids. It's no Harry Potter. I dunno why people got struck-ed by the plot. It's too cliche. Maybe I'm just too immune to it by now that I wasn't captured by the idea of it. Then just like that, vampire novels, supernatural stories became a phenomenon. To think when I was younger, it was sooo weird or such a taboo to be talking about vampires with my click. I was tagged weird and eccentric for loving the creatures sooo much and now kids would go to school with fangs. Some would actually bite fellow kids. It's not weird anymore it became a trend. It's even a crime not to love the so called Twilight series. Everyone keeps on questioning me how and why I don't love the Twilight Saga. I hate it how supernatural things became the in thing now. Even when Underworld made its debut here, it wasn't this big, like the Twilight. It was my own guilty pleasure and now everyone likes supernatural stories too. I wish though my imagination can be captivated again by the shallow Twilight stories and such but, no. I've grown too bored, indifferent and just plain serious in my life that I can't appreciate the irrationality of the young adult stores now.

Just as I thought there is no more chance for me to enjoy supernatural stories, there came a more serious vamp series, True Blood and the one with more heart but less eeky than Twilight, which is, Vampire Diaries. I came to realize too that Vampire Diaries was based on novels by L.J Smith. L.J Smith was a fave of mine back in 1990's for writing Huntress and Secret Vampire (Nightworld series). I still have the books now. I am even more surprised to see the Nightworld series re-published and compiled to three books divided by 3 stories per book. I mean wow. To think back in the day, I couldn't even complete the books because supernatural stories wasn't popular back then so less market, less demand, less supplies thus, no publications.

I enjoyed watching the Vampire Diaries series too much that I bought the first book. Now half way to finishing book one, I realize, its really me. I am really just to old, and serious to appreciate books made for young adults. They said 'I love you's' too early, the story's all over, and it kinda just jumps like the unedited version's much more understandable. I regret even buying the book. I should've just sticked with the series! Now, I dunno how Ima be able to finish reading it when reading it makes me bored. I am shocked to admit that the on-film adaptation is much more better than the book. So far, I've only seen just one other film that made me think it better than the novel, that is, The Devil Wears Prada. Now, I just can't wait for the new season of True Blood and Vampire Diaries. It's sad though that I can no longer appreciate the small wonders, and trivial fantasies of books or movies that I once loved. Those days just seems soooo long ago. It's as if I'm now too old for fairytales...

Chicken Frenzy @ Max's with my Mum, sis, cus and Mark. Does the pic look horribly disgusting? Those are the remains of the chicken we devoured last night. LOL. Poor chickens, it was almost a sin to eat this many chickens. I wonder why they have this Chicken all you can? It's cheap, and the chicken's good, so what's the catch?!? My mum suddenly wanted to eat out. I told her it'll be packed cause it was a Sat night. We went to 3 different Max branches. First, we tried in SM Bicutan (near our place), then we went to ATC, and the last resort was the Max's along Alabang-Zapote. Finally, we found a branch where the wait wasn't that long, but hell, the service SUCKS BIGTIME! It took minutes before the waiters served the bottomless sago't gulaman/ice tea and the chicken. Then, the kids, my mum and even Mark left me na at the table to wait for the bill to come. It took sooooo freaking long, that I ended up coming down to the cashier and asking for my bill. Even then, the cashier took sometime producing the receipt! I didn't give them tips anymore. It was horrible service!

To top that off, during our drive back to BF, we were pulled over by freaking popos for counter flow. We were behind this jeep who followed the popos and then several other cars followed behind us. They said that they counter flowed because they were going to chase someone who counter flowed before them. It was so traffic kc at Casimiro's intersection. We thought it was the one-way traffic flow (which usually happens in Alabang-Zapote) them popos were hot headed and fucking arrogant. They took Mark's license and we had to pull over. There were a total of 6 cars ticketed for counter flow. THe popo's said that even the president doesn't counter flow anymore. Well, fuck them! They weren't chasing after anyone. They just wanted to get off that jam. After the popos were off to god knows where, the MMDA was left to ticket us. We had to wait for the others to leave before Mark went back to the MMDA guy to put some in his pocket. The MMDA guy told Mark, "sabi ko sayo balikan mo na lang ako bukas, tatagain ko pa dapat tong isa." The MMDA was referring to this dude who was so cocky and hot headed. Mark, as usual in cases like this, remained calm and talked smoothly and even sweetly to get his way, which thank God usually works. After an hour waiting in the car with my mom, my sis and my cus, talking about the past and the future (NAKAINOM BA TONG MGA TO?) Mark came running back, all smiles. Phewww! I thought we gon pay P2,000 pa, buti it came down to P500 na lang. Thanks to that MMDA guy.

My concern though is when does people know if it's a go for counter flow in Alabang-Zapote Rd? They usually do this when traffic's heavy. There aren't any time/sched for this, so how would people know? This should be looked into. Anyways, the night was still superb. I still had fun. LOL.

I think I deserve a vacay. It's post-grad, and where's my celebration at? No where. I'm thinking of celebrating inuman style - the usual, or go on a beach trip (since I wasn't able to this summer due to graduation preps and thesis) and soul search. I also need to relax my mind, body and soul. I'm sure after chilling, I'd be prepared to take on another chapter. I'd be prepared to feel being rejected, short-listed, and eventually chosen. We could always do inuman sessions, right? So why not just hang out at the beach and get in touch with nature or is it too late since habagat season's up, the waves maybe furious already. If I were a surfer this would be the perfect time to venture out in the ocean. Hmmm choices, choices, choices... If only my decision was only UP TO ME. I feel trapped again. ARRRRGH.

I feel so restless. It's like everything I do is not enough. I have an insatiable hunger to venture out to places I've never been, to where comfort zones are no more. Have you ever felt like you know there's more out there for you, if you just take a risk? Have you ever felt that you're better than them and that you deserve better than this? Have you ever wondered why some people get everything, even everything at the same time, while you have to work your hardest to try to reach where they are now? Life seems unfair, but the truth is, those people didn't wait for the world, they took on this bitch of a life and shitted on its face. They knew the risk, and they took it. They probably fell hundred times but got back up 101 times. They probably didn't just dream, they embodied their thoughts. It's time to stop thinking and imagining. It's time to envision, create a mission and accomplish it. It's time to know what you want, and how to get it. Slacking off won't be an option anymore. It would be a thing of the past. I've graduated from college and I am in my "in-between" phase. I am in between occupation titles, from student, to graduate, to unemployed, part-time employed etc. I need to know where I want to go, and I need to know if I have the means and the heart to do it. If I won't analyze and actualize that then, there's no point in finishing college. I love day dreaming, but it's time to act on it than just sit around all day thinking if I could. This is the time to gather all of my nerve, my skills, my resources and energy to do what I must. To start what my education prepared me for. This would be a beginning of another long journey, another long chapter. This is my life post college.

The four corners. Four edges. Four confining walls. I wonder how it feels like sleeping with no roof on top, just tall trees shading the sky. I get a glimpse of the stars, glistening from afar. The bustling of the wind whispers to me, humming a lullaby. The grass on my back, cradles me. I feel the grass tickling me. I relish the moment, feeling utter halcyon. Then, I opened my eyes. The stars vanish to white a ceiling. The hum of thd wind, replaced by the electric fan's buzzing motor. The grass became old bedsheets. Suddenly, i returned to the confines of the four walls that binds us with society and norms. The four corners.

My shallow sleep was disturbed by the sun's heat, consuming my body. I felt the sweat pouring down my neck...my back. The sides of my cheek was hot, and a few drops of sweat trickled down my forehead, and down my face. It was like I was sweating from doing cardio. The heat wasn't the only reason i woke up. It was the smell of cigarettes burning. The smoke woke me up. It was like an alarm clock, that urges me to get up. I don't know why it affects me so much, that evn in deep slumber, it could wake me up. It's my asthma i presume. I am having a hard time breathing recently, and this make me dizzy. How can go out to work or play if dizziness overcomes me? I'm scared that this feeling might progress to an even more worse illness. I wanna get out of this hellhole. Again, i have no where to go, non halcyon, no peace, nothing to give me a relaxed state of mind. My brain's pounding. And i just want to get back to sleep. I just want a peaceful, and deep rest. I want to feel great once i get up in the morning. I wana feel contented, but driven and free. I imagine myself walking on a shore somewhere in the pacific, with no tourists crowding up the beach. No noisy kids, no rowdy crowd, just me. I tried thinking about this to put me back in a sleepy state, but again noise over powers my thoughts. I open my eyes, the ray of sun portrudes through the thin curtains. My sweat trickles down the small of my neck's back. Reality. Gruesome. Bitter. Harsh. My head hurts again... Oh how i despise it here.

What's with all the recent movies shitting about falling in love in just a couple of days? That's bullshit. 

A New Year Has Come

Every end of the year, I give thanks to all the people who have touched my heart, helped me through my darkest days, who have provided indispensable advises, who have literally held my hand while we walk through un-chartered land and this year, there are a lot of people I wanna give my thanks to.

2009 have given me enough experiences for me to say that its one of my pivotal and hardest year of my adult life. Actually, every year, I feel like I have gone through so much and by next year only to feel more burdened and hardened by the realities of life. The difference with last year and now, is that this year, not only did my love life have gone through hell and back but also, my family, economic status, and death have come. What I deemed worst in my 22 years of living has arrived. Now i am enlightened of how hard life is beyond the grasps of my parents who have sheltered me and have given me the privilege of their monetary support and security. I am quite surprised that there's more obstacles in life we are going to be faced with as we grow older. My priorities have changed sooo much and so did my lifestyle.

Last year, a year I thought I have given my all, wasn't a pivotal year at all, but it was just the beginning of an adults hardships. Its quite funny now looking back how much I was worried and anxious of the problems I was faced with last year; I was so full of shit, all I did was wallow, whine and get fucking wasted. I've realized is that what i've gone through last year ('08) doesn't even compare with what has happened to me this year ('09).

This year the worst for me (as of now) have materialized. The things i was scared of when I was 18 have now catched up with me and you know what, even though I thought I would die and go insane because of it, I didn't. I can actually say now that the worst that didn't kill me, can only make me wiser, and stronger. Indeed, what they say is true, that experience is a great teacher. What saddens me though is the fact that as  we experience the hardships and realities of life, we also lose our innocence, childish ways, our childhood dreams and just losing our hearts that can easily believe in the goodness of the world. That's the hard part, still believing, not being cynical, and still seeing our inner most, even childish fantasies, become real. This year I wish to feel that again. I wish to have that childish hope reign in my heart again. I wish to have that innocence again.

Looking back at all the things that hit me this year, I honestly haven't gotten back up on my grind. I lost my innocence and my sheltered arrogance, and all that have happened to me made me humble, weak, and lost my sense of 'who i am.' Experience can really change people. Now I am still uncovering the 'who' in me. I wanna feel free again and leave the confines of what happened this year to the past and gather the strength to face the obstacles of life alone.
I've always been surrounded with people who have helped me no matter what. Parent's who would give up everything just to see me through; even if I killed a person, I can honestly say that they'll back me up on it. I love my family, even if we are so dysfunctional.
I've friends who have lend a helping hand every time I fall. I thank my friends for actually being there helping not just for the good times to lighten me up, by the security as well. Thank you guys for giving me hope and for making me realize that its not the end of the world. I know, haha, I am such a drama queen!
My love who came back on a white horse, the person who became more than ever, my backbone, who lights my path during the times I've felt there was no more hope; who have whispered to my ear sweet nothings to get me through; and who have carried me and provided security when I thought I would lose everything. Thank you Mark Jayvy Esteban and I love you!

But there's one thing that I haven't realized before...that not only must I be independent when it comes to realizing my dreams but emotionally as well. That's one thing that I haven't really come to yet. I do appreciate people being there when I needed them, but I also have to have just myself. I know I am independent on a lot of things but, i know I'm dependent on my love and my friends on a lot of emotional stuff. This 2010, I'll learn how to master the courage to be by myself on things I should've been able to handle on my own. Thanks guys for never leaving my side.

Now, i am looking forward to a brighter future. I know it'll be full of laughter and sadness; whirlpools of fun and disappointments; victories and failures; Even though things may not always go as planned, or there are unforeseen circumstances that can change me forever, I still have a faint hope of it being a better future. I will start by that, and try to get back up on my grind, and revive that heart of a child in me again.

Happy New Year Everyone!
This means, new people to meet, more opportunities to uncover, new places to venture to, and a new chapter in our lives. We have more things to live for and more things to write about. So, lets not stop now. Lets greet 2010 with a positive attitude, and with a fucking good luck and good time!
HERE'S TO US DUDES! HERE'S TO A NEW YEAR! CHEERS! 

LOOKING FOR: Field Researcher for a week, get paid by day.

If interested contact me (09064202178 - Jac), to get the details.

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Goodluck!

You know what I fuckin hate the most is when u do your best, you put yourself out there, you stepped up to it and to find out...IT WASN'T ENOUGH!!

TANGINA i dunno, if it was my ex-group mates (pero wla nman peer evaluation), or the prof didn't like me, or di nya nakita yun EFFORT KO? But, I was always there during important meetings, mga hard core brainstorming and other needs for our group even though wla yun iba kong group mates? I don't understand...That's what got to me the most. Parang ang dami ko nagawa...pero dayum ako pa yun pinaka mababa... waah.

IM SOOOOO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED! pero what the fuck grades lang yan, what you gon do with grades when you got a job na? It might put you ahead of the rest if you got a better transcript than them, but yun application of what you learned? That's waaaaaay different...that wont define you at the work place. Its the knowledge you gained from what you learned in school and how you're gonna use it, that's what matters. So fuck the number and the period.

IF YOU THINK YOUR SMARTER THAN WHAT'S WRITTEN IN BLACK AND WHITE, then just SHOW THEM WHAT YOU GOT IN 3D!!

FUCKING 2.5 hahahaha im soooooooo disappointed for having a 2.5 as compared to WALA NMAN MASHADONG INPUT NA GROUP MATES WHO GOT A 3.0 SAKIT!! Even tho .5 lang nman...but still...right?

The visiting Bunnies! aren't they soooooooo cute!?! if only I didn't have asthma i would take care of them. They've been here since Sat night, and sadly I really can't breathe especially when they're inside the house. DAYUM!! how I wish we could just keep them here! I had a bunny once, back when I was just 11 years old, just like the white one. I had to bring it in the province cus I can no longer take care of her. aww.


They're actually my sister's science proj. They belong to their group. They'll keep it daw and then mate them later on, tas maghahati sila sa babies nila. They've named them SHAKE AND RATTLE. SUCH LAAAAAAAAME NAMESSS! hahaha so I gave them different names. Mom just calls them 'science projects' hahaha.






This one's BITE. I named him bite cus the furry creature keeps on biting everything and everyone! hahaha. He's adorable. He got this bad boy personality, and I love em pets with that funky attitude. hehe. All of our pets has their own weird personalities. hehe.

















This little lady's SWEET PEE. I named her sweet pee cus she's very demure, very sweet and just very lady like. The pee came from, well, pee, hahaha. Bite peed on her kc (hahaha bad boy tlga), hence, SWEET PEE. hehehe.

Tourism department nixes RORO port in El Nido
By Kristine L. Alave
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 20:33:00 08/22/2009

Filed Under: Environmental Issues, Tourism

MANILA, Philippines—The Department of Tourism opposes the building of a Roll On Roll Off port in El Nido, Palawan, as it could wreak havoc on the resort island’s marine environment and on the livelihood of its inhabitants.

Tourism Secretary Ace Durano said a more thorough study of the infrastructure’s impact on the ecological system on and around the island, a protected area, should be made before construction begins.

“We encourage establishment of infrastructure as long as there are clear measures and guidelines on the ecological preservation of surrounding communities,” said Durano. “Ecotourism is the island’s primary source of living. Therefore, environmental conservation should be a priority concern of the developers.”

El Nido is one of the major tourism spots in the country. It is considered a protected area because of the diversity of its marine species. It is also home to world-class resorts.

Critics of the port project, which include the municipality of El Nido and the island’s resort owners, also expressed fearof the damage to the island’s ecosystem that dredging would bring.

The department also noted that the planned route of the RORO ferries will displace small fishing boats, which will have an effect on coastal communities.

El Nido Foundation Executive Director Irma Rose Marcelo said the project, which will be supervised by the Philippine Ports Authority, will cover 51,440 square meters along the El Nido pier. This means the displacement of 11,000 truckloads of sand.

She also said the project goes against the municipality’s tourism plan. According to the town of El Nido’s Comprehensive Land and Water Use Plan, the area is limited to ‘low density and nature-based’ tourism activities, which will be largely affected by frequent RORO trips that spur mass tourism.

“Instead of opening another port, we recommend the expansion of the San Fernando pier which has a natural embankment, and thus requires no dredging,” Marcelo said

Brought to you by: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/regions/view/20090822-221529/Tourism-department-nixes-RORO-port-in-El-Nido
------------------------------------------ MY PERSPECTIVE -------------------------------------------------------------
I TOTALLY AGREEEEEEEEEEE!!

Those who've been to Palawan (El Nido), knows how strict they are when it comes to garbages and tourism. If you are caught littering on the streets of El Nido, or in the city of Puerto Princesa, you will definitely be fined for it! Now, they want to built a RORO port in El Nido!? hell no! it'll definitely destroy the ecosystem! Thousands of tourists would be there all at the same time which will bring bad tidings to the island and more money for those who are inconsiderate of its natural beauty. In no time, you'll see the negative effects this would bring to the island. Garbages would pile up, fishes would slowly be endangered, coral reefs would vanish and the "very alive" ecosystem would soon die... It wouldn't be a paradise anymore; it'll just be a commercialized island, dying amidst the people.

I do not support the RORO Port in El Nido.
Make yourself count, let your voice be heard, join the cause for a better Philippine tourism and for saving the rich ecosystem of El Nido. DO NOT SUPPORT the RORO Port in El Nido.

I've been to several provinces like, Cavite and Pagsanjan, Laguna (are they still provincial), Subic, hell I've stayed in Baguio for 6-7mos, Cebu, Ilocos Norte and Sur, Tarlac but my love for traveling started in 2007, when I stepped on the beaches of PALAWAN; when I saw the wonders of rural living; when the simple yet astounding forefronts and beaches of El Nido hit my eyes; when I saw that there's more to the Philippines, than a third world country in the highest peak of poverty. I admit, I never really was fond of going to the province, but when I saw it from a different aspect and for what it really is, I felt sooooooo in tuned with nature, that I wanted to see more. The bliss I found there was like a drug, and now i keep on wanting, yearning, to go to places. I was always a city girl. I never appreciated, far off places without means of entertainment, which for me in the past, was the fast paced city life. I never wanted nor appreciated that simple life...until Mark Jv opened my eyes to something different, something that looks so surreal yet reality was at the palm of my hand.

 

I want to discover a place where no one or very few people come to visit. A hidden, undiscovered, not yet commercialized islands and virgin to tourists' garbage and the city people's night life and a wonder yet to be found. When I do find that place, that paradise, ill be sure to keep it secret, so I can have a paradise of my own.

 

Wow. I just couldn't wait until my next out-of-town trip

 

 

MY TO-VISIT LIST (whichever comes first):

 

1.) Caramoan, Camarines Sur

- I wanna see the top 10 islands of the Caramoan Peninsula. OMG! It’s a paradise yet to be discovered. I do hope it stays that way. I don’t wanna see it commercialized and exploited.       

- Of course, I will definitely go to Camsur WaterSports Complex as well. I've been wanting to go here since '07! LOSER MUCH?

2.) Alaminos/Bolinao, Pangasinan

            - 100 Islands

            - the different caves

            - The Manaoag Church

3.) Panglao, Bohol

            - I've heard from friends and seen their pictures there, that its a sight to see, a place to go to again and again.

            - I wanna see the Busay Falls on Loboc River, Kilab-Kilab Falls and Mang-Aso Falls

- Choco Hills

            - Panglao Beach and Alona

            - TARSIERS AND DOLPHINS weeeeeeee!

4.) Baler/Casiguran, Aurora

- OKAY. haha I want to go here because I've seen the scenery from the BALER movie, staring Mr. Rosales hehe. I just wanna see it for myself, because from the movies it just looks wonderful! On the way there's you'll even see the Sierra Madre Mountain Range!! WOW!!

            - the historical and haunted hehehe Baler Catholic Church

            - Sabang black beach is the place to go, to chase those waves, though I dunno how to surf, Ima watch those who do

            - from Baler à Dinadiawan Beach à Motyong Shit this I soooooooo wanna see even if it’ll take like 6 hours ride from baler town.

            - Casapsapan Beach, Casiguran

            - trekking the Sierra Mountain Range to see the falls

            - Pimentel Falls, Ditumabo Falls, and Paltic

5.) Malapascua, Cebu  

- Malapascua Island and its long white sand beach….

-Thresher Sharks!!

- the last time I was in Cebu was '05 to watch the Sinulog Festival with my family. We also toured the city but due to             lack of time, and that was also my uncle's pamiminhikan kc, we didn't get to go to the beaches of Cebu. DANG!!

6.) Sagada, Mountain Province

            - haha yes I stayed in Baguio but i've never been to Sagada yet. hahaha.

            - Sumaguing Cave, Bomod-ok Falls, Rice Terraces

- Sagada was known for their hanging coffins, (a very unique and weird way of burying their dead). I wanna see if they still have that now…

            - and you know what you’ll find, very abundant, in Sagada. Lol.

I promise to upload all the freaking photos since way back May-or even April? SORRY, its sooo long overdue guys!

I promise to make a new Facebook Account. FOR ALL THE PEEPS who's asking why I deleted them... dudes, I DELETED MY ACCOUNT. So dont make a fuss, add me up soon.

I promise that on my birthday this coming week, I wont be celebrating it like planned. hehe BUT I DO PROMISE TO CELEBRATE IT MAYBE ON MY TRIM BREAK, which is on the FIRST WEEK OF SEPTEMBER pa. Hell yeah, hahaha.

Its been a long time, and im soo uber busy and preoccupied lately...gotta get back on track. ILL SEE YOU BITCHES SOON. AYT?!

MUCH LOVE,
 JAC

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Some things even though how good it is just needs to end at some point. Even though, there's a way, a small chance left, sometimes, its better if you just let it go, and dont push it. Who knows this might open something else, or it has already served its purpose for you - and you just have to figure it out and so look beneath the surface, beneath the facade and the bullshit. When all the drama's over you'll see it through. Everything's got a purpose, a reason, you just have to wait for it to come to a full circle.

"A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. It was really quite simple, and yet we humans, so much wiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not. As I wrote that farewell column to Marley, I realized it was all right there in front of us, if only we opened our eyes. Sometimes it took a dog with bad breath, worse manners, and pure intentions to help us see."

Save Me

Her face was of soft features. She had a straight nose, like it was sculpted to perfection. Her complexion was of someone who never gets scared of too much sunlight. She had long hair, straight and it was hiding half of her face. I was watching her from the corner of the room. The yellow light was slightly fixed on her hair, then she turned, she turned my way.

I wonder...how old is she? She looks someone who had aged though her features hadn't. She looked fierce yet sweet in that manner. When I saw her smiling at the two girls she was with, I realized how her cheekbones protrude in spite of her slightly chubby cheeks. The girl wore no make-up, her lips without paint, and her eyes, I loved her eyes. They tell a different story. I moved closer to where she was. I took a seat a few chairs away from her, and she noticed me and looked at me...eye to eye. I was surprised how bold she was, how she can look at a stranger eye to eye with NO hesitations. And there I noticed while holding her gaze that her eyes betrayed her. Here she was smiling at her friends and laughing, but her eyes showed something deep inside that not even her close friends would notice. I can see how good she hides her feelings. It takes a third person's point of view sometimes to notice how a person really feels and from my perspective, she was hurting. Her pain was intoxicating. Her eyes were telling me to save her, save her from herself, to take her away from here and show her colours again. It was moving and I was drawn to her.

She was beautiful, every move she makes was graceful. Though when she thought that her two friends wasn't looking, that no one was looking, tears slowly gathered at the corner of her eyes. She made an effort to slowly wipe her tears away...

I wanted to ask her how could someone like you show you're happy though I feel deep down your hurting?
And her eyes would answer me,

'Because of all the people surrounding me, I still am with no one but myself and its tiring how everyday, a million people passes you by but no one even bothers to see YOU. You make an effort, you strive to reach out and yet... no one is really WITH YOU. It gets lonely too, being with people and yet not being able to be with EVEN JUST ONE.'

How I wish I could catch her, how I wish I could make her feel warmth and give her something to just go on and keep on moving forward. Even for a moment, how I wish SHE would feel BLISS from ME. Though, I cannot promise her that I can give her what she's looking for, and all I could do is just give her enough courage, and HOPE. And I definitely cannot give her myself, I cannot say that I am what she's looking for because I myself though attracted and drawn to her, know myself too much that in the end this feeling for her would fade too, that I am incapable of showing my real self and that I don't want to feel any attachment to anyone...ever again especially not to her. All I wanted was for her to have that tinge of HOPE again, that I myself is trying to believe in too. I just wanted to look at her, I just wanted to be an audience of her masquerade, waiting for a chance to tell her that I feel her, how she was calling out to me. I usually am drawn to the people who needs me, people who needs to be saved. I need to be needed and that's why this girl beyond her handsome face and her well sculpted body, her eyes screaming of help and of saving was more enticing to me than anything else.

I waited... Waiting. Waiting. And thinking...aren't we the same she and I? Someone else this room might be watching me too. Thinking how pathetic I am, staring at this vixen, and might be thinking how I'm someone worth saving too? Now this girl stood up, walking my way, should I say 'Hi'? Should I make an excuse to get to talk to her? Then when she passed me by... she smiled. Right then and there I wanted her, wanted her for myself. Though how can I add to her misery? I planned to save her from herself and now all I can think of is my gratification. So I stopped myself. I wonder... what if? What if I was the one she was looking for? Just what if I'm making a huge mistake now by not doing anything at all? Just what if?

So... When she passed me by again, I stood up, when I was looking at her face to face, I couldn't seem to say anything! So there I was weak on my knees, wanting TO BE HER SAVIOR and yet...I can't do anything because in the end, SHE DIDN'T NEED A SAVIOR, I was the ONE WANTING to be SAVED... and she reached out her hand and said, "Hi I'm Amy."


Its funny how sometimes the world can play tricks on you. How in the end life surprises you or gives you a twist and how you find your path sooner or later. You know, all you gotta do is be patient and learn how cope with shit that's thrown to you. You'll never know, in the end you might even surprise life back. hahaha.

*While reading listen to AMY SAYS by Flyleaf. Wala lang hehehe. Nice Song!!! Di ko malagay d2 eh. dunno how hehehe.

Guys! Thanks sooo much for checking up on me, for making me feel better. I think im okay now, but have to do some blood test pa daw. I think my family's uber paranoid lang, but its better safe daw than sorry later. Thanks again. Thank God blacking out didn't happen again. That was my first time ever in my whole 21 years of living!

THANKS for all your get well soons and mga paalala na mag ingat ako and not go fast yet again. Yeah thanks and I'll make note of that. MWAHUGS! Be back in the scene next week i promise just staying over this weekend (AND THIS ISNT HOW I IMAGINED MY WEEKEND!) to regain my strength tas go nanaman hehe, with moderation this time. Anyways, you know who you are, love you guys.